Sanctuary

When I was in Europe a few summers ago, there was a CD that came out that really defined my year. I didn’t have a CD player, so I couldn’t buy the album, but I remember walking from whatever hostel I was at to the nearest music store, and listening to the CD on their listening stations. I would listen to the same 30 second clips of all the songs over and over again, just taking in the music and the scenes around me. One song in particular would constantly hit me like a ton of bricks, and it was almost like some sort of ritual I developed; going to the music store, listening to those 30 seconds, then going about my day wherever I happened to be. Something about that album, and that one song, always just completely took me over.

Since then, I try never to listen to it, just because I like preserving the memory that has become attached to it. I don’t want to risk having conflicting associations that might lead me to forget what it once meant to me. Anyway, it came on just now on my shuffle and I didn’t turn it off. My fear of losing the initial nostalgia was temporarily gone. I couldn’t resist the temptation to step back inside my past as it were, and be absorbed by the song. It’s a strange thing, not to listen to a song that you LOVE for a few years, and then to listen to it somewhat randomly. Only a few songs have achieved this level of pure retrospection that I won’t listen to them at all.

I’m not sure what made me break my ‘no-listen’ rule tonight. I don’t foresee it happening again anytime soon, but sometimes you just need the extra boost. It’s nice to have that kind of mood/morale insurance in the form of a 3:19 minute song.